What are you doing?

Going to make bacon and eggs.

For who?

For you.

Oh no I don't want nothing like that. Forget it.

Aren't you ever going to let me cook breakfast?

You can cook breakfast when you grow up and get married. If you are lucky enough to find some dope.

Meantime look here we got your beautiful coco crunchies their.

Don't give me that face.

Did you ever read what's in this stuff here look at this You got your phosphorus there you got your vitamins there. You got your magnishia. All of that hey. And the best thing of all if that stuff if loaded with sugar. Keep you going all day long.

God what stinks in here.

Everything! The stuffed cabbage from Mrs. Bloom the tuna casserole from ...

Alright alright alright don't tell me no more.

If the refrigerator's working why is everything stinking?

It's all been in there for three weeks.

Oh didn't you think to clean some of it out?

You told me not to touch anything in the kitchen.

Yah that's right I told you that.

Hay there was a terrific picture on the late show last night. You should of stooped downstairs and watched it with me for a little while you know. Godzilla the monster. You should of seen that guy killing Japs millions of them there. We sure could have used him in WW2 .

So how was school yesterday?

fine. How was work?

um----terrific terrific. I got everything under control like usual.

We need milk.

yah I see that. Well ill bring home some from work tonight.

I was thinking this weekend.

Hay hay hay hay. I got this weekend all planed for us look at this here. Two reserved seats. Tickets to the circus that's for Saturday afternoon isn't it. On Sunday we go to the movies again.

I like to go the cemetery. You said we would.

Oh yah but I already bought the tickets.

You promised.

I know i promised but I didn't say when.

I'll get that

Oh hi you there Polly. Come on in Come on in. How you doing.

Hi Arch I'm fine. You certainly sound chipper. How's it going?

Oh with us fine. Were getting along swell. Here look at this were even having breakfast.

Ah! How are you Stephanie?

OK

Arch I came for my casserole dish.

Oh yah yah. Well

Oh Polly its-its in here you know. Amongst allot of other odds and ends. Can you find it in there?

I found it.

You didn't eat it! Don't you like Lasagna?

Lasagna is that what that used to be?

Yah

Oh gee we love Lasagna. We thought it was a tuna casserole. Well I'll get all of that out for you.

Oh I'll get it out.

Hay! It looks like it's trying to get out by it's self.

Oh well look at the time kid-o. Maybe you better be running off to school.

OK

What about this Saturday?

Come on Saturday were going to the circus. I got the tickets Ha. And look we got to get there early so we get used to the smell of the elephants. So though when we have out Hot Dogs peanuts and cotton candy then we won't get nauserated.

Take somebody else to the circus.

What's she got against the circus?

Oh nothing nothing nothing. She goes to the circus alright. Just that she was thinking about making a visitation to the. Well you know Medowglen.

Oh

Yah . Ah I figure what's the rush it's only a little over a month. You might as well give the grass a chance to grow out there before you start looking all around. You know what I mean?

I know what you mean. Well just yell over the fence if you need me ok.

Yah I'll do that Polly.

Bye Arch.

Yah ya thanks a million.

Hay give my regards to Ed.

I will.

Gees yous guys are always fighting about something that has no meaning to the rest of humanity.

I'm just trying to tell Harry that most of the traffic that comes into the city comes over the tri- borough bridge.

Well I say it's the Queens borough.

Well are you trying to tell me my business? I've been a bridge inspector here for 28 years and I'm telling you her it's the Tri-borough.

Hay how do you inspect bridges when your always in here ha?

Easy! I simply consult my manifest find out today's the day for the

Brooklyn Bridge and I mark it unsafe.

Hay Barney try some of these new cashews.

Yah there excellent I got them at a gourmet place in the village.

Gee thanks Mr. Van R I really love cashews.

Harry it never fails does it?

You guys is there no end to your merriment?

Oh gees fellows I hate to interrupt important business, but whereas my oven cleaner ha?

Archie's bringing it over. He has a couple a errands to go on first.

Were trying to keep him busy.

You know I can't help thinking of my cousin Eddie it was offal.

What's with him?

Well he's allot like Arch. He relied on his wife for everything and she passed away in her sleep one night quietly. Just like Edith it was her heart you know. It was terrible.

What happened?

He couldn't handle it. He went to pieces.

But not old Arch he's doing fine.

And I hope it stays that way

Listen were all trying to keep him happy ant we. Were all keeping his spirits up.

You can do that by breathing on him.

Oh ha ha ha ha.

Ah Veronica.

Hi there everybody.

Hi Arch.

Hi Mr. Van R.

Hi there boss did you get my oven cleaner?

Yah here it is. Gee this stuff cost a fortune do you have to cook like a slob?

Look who's calling who a slob.

Don't argue.

Your right Arch I'll try to watch it.

Hi Linda here

Get that stuff back in the office for me ha.

I have a latch to fix on the back door and I have to look at the leak in the ceiling there.

And this here Murray is a job for you.

Glad to do it.

Is that for your toilet Arch?

No Barney it's for my goldfish bowl.

What the hell was so funny?

It's not what you said it how you said it. It's all in the timing.

Oh Yah, I was never that funny before.

Oh Well can I say Arch. Like good scotch you get better with age.

Like a good bartender pour me a beer.

Coming right out.

Anything he wants.

Ha ha who who got it this time?

I got it this time Mr. Van R.

How come yous ant laughing at that ha. You said that was funny ain't that a joke?

That's too childish to be funny.

Than why was Mr. Van R wetting his pants here?

Come on come on Murray I know what you are doing. I know what yous all are doing and don't do it no more ha. You don't have to tiptoe around me.

Your right Arch your right.

And yous don't have to be always agreeing with me neither.

OK Arch anything you say.

You done it again you dope.

Your right.

And still again.

Yah I know.

You be better off in Brooklyn Barney.

Yah I think I go inspect my bridge.

Hello Mr. Klein. Is Mr. Bunker in yet?

Oh yah you tracked him down. Hay Archie this man was her to see you yesterday. I told him to come around today.

Mr. Bunker hi. Jim Spencer Fidelity Insurance. It's about your wive's policy.

Oh yah yah yah.

You are a tough man to track down.

Oh well I've been pretty busy lately. To tell you the truth I am very busy right now. Setting up for the lunch rush you know and I got to go back and fix a raging toilet.

Well this won't take but a minute. OK if we sit here.

First off please accept condolences on behalf of myself and Fidelity Insurance on the death of your wife Judith.

That was Edith.

Oh I'm terribly sorry please forgive me. I have trouble reading my own handwriting. Maybe I should have become a doctor.

I have I have your beneficiary death claim. Which states that Edith Bunker died on the date indicated and if you just sign in right there I'll present you with a check for five thousand dollars.

I ain't going to sign that.

what?

I don't want to be no beneficiary. What do yous people think. That I can sign a person off the world like that. I don't want it. Just send it out to my daughter in California Gloria Stivic she lives in Santa Barbara.

Well why don't you do that Mr. Bunker? You can endorse the check right over to her. See as beneficiary I need your signature on the death claim.

I ain't signing no death claim. Oh Your a big company can't you just leave me alone and do what I'm asking you to do. Send it out there to my daughter.

Oh maybe I better call the home office.

Use the Pay phone down in the subway this ones out of order.

It's out of order.

Archie Bunker's Place A. Bunker here. Ah hol-hold on ha.

Down the subway alright.

I'm Back. Yes that's right Stephanie Mills. What do you mean she's fine. What?!!!! well No I didn't know. Ill handle it.

Alright! Alright! Alright! Ill handle it bye.

Oh holy cow.

What happened?

It's the kid. She ain't been in school for a week.

Don't you hit her!

I ain't going to hit her!

What you going to do flush her?

Just stay calm.

I am calm.

Hi everybody.

Hi Stephe.

How you doing honey?

Hi

Well so how was school today?

(Softly) Fine.

What did you learn there?

History! How Marco Polo opened trade with China.

Richard E Nixon done that your lying. You wasn't in school today. If fact you haven't been in school all week.

Don't use your hands!

I'll use my hand on you if you don't get out of here.

Arch.

You and me are going to have a little talk in private back in the office.

What are yous two looking at?

Who's looking?

This ain't like you kid-o this ain't like you at all. What have you been doing? Where have you been going?

To the library.

Everyday? Nobody can read everyday.

Once I went to a museum. Mostly I sit in the park and think.

Your supposed to be doing your thinking in school.

I know but I can't go back there.

Oh you got to go back there.

I just can't. Kids are treating me different now.

What are they doing to you?

They don't want to talk to me. I had to recite a poem. It was one Aunt Edith helped me memorize and off of the sudden I was crying and ever since the other kids have been acting funny.

Listen that should teach you a lesson. You had no go blooping in front of strangers.

But even at home I can't.

You shouldn't be at home neither. It don't do no good . It don't change nothing kid. Listen I'm going through the same thing here you know. Murray, Barney all the guys their treating me differently.

They are!

They think you and me are going to fall apart on our owns. But they don't know us. Were going to be OK ain't we? Ain't we?

Guess so.

After you eat your lunch I'll walk you back to school.

You don't have to.

I got to. I got to go up and see that truant officer. Ain't that ridicules. Your the guy that goes awol and I'm the guy that has to face the court's martial.

Oh Bob throwing things in class. I understand how you feel school if full of frustrations failures disappointments.

It's OK to be angry about that, but you can't express that anger with violence.

It was self defense.

That shouldn't be necessary.

Remember Bob when your trying to control 35 boys in shop class nothing is more important then calm.

Mr. Bunker, please come in.

I'm Ms. Wakefield we spoke earlier on the phone.

Ya ya I know, but I can't help saying I'm surprised you know. Seeing you a grown-up women and a good looking women too I might add doing this type of work.

What?

Being a truant officer torturing little kids.

Oh Mr. Bunker I'm not a truant officer. I'm a councillor.

What is that Barn Yard Collage.

That's Barnard.

Oh Barnard! Do yous have a football team?

No there the state champions in debating.

Debating oh biggie.

Please sit down I like to talk to you about Stephanie.

First of all I wasn't you to know how sorry I am to hear about your wife.

Oh yah well thanks very much.

And I realize this is a difficult time for Stephanie.

Ya well we don't need to go into all of that you know. I had a nice little talk with her this noon. She ain't going to play hookey no more.

That's good! Did you find out what the problem is.

Ya all the kids was treating her funny, but that's normal the same thing is happening to me. You know the guys down at my bar ever since I lost my wife.

Did Stephanie attend the funeral?

Attend sure! Her and me were the first to the grave.

well I'm glad she had a chance to mourn with the family.

Oh we mourned first class let me tell you.

Does Stephanie talk very much about her aunt?

Oh well she tries to you know, but I get her right off of that.

Well sometimes people want to talk about their sadness with somebody close to them.

Yah I know I know they keep wanting to drag it out and drag it out you know,but they aut to be forgetting and getting on with life.

I suppose you haven't given Stephanie anything that belonged to your wife.

Oh no God. What do you think I am a dope? Gees I have not looked and any of that stuff my self. But I want to pack it away when I get a chance.

Mr. Bunker I think your wrong. I think you should let Stephanie go through those things with you and pick out something that belonged to your wife. It is very helpful to have a special keepsake.

Are you kidding?

No I'm not kidding.

Oh well I don't know what I'm doing here wasting my time. Gees you and me are talking two different languages.

Afraid so!

Oh listen I done what you want. I got the kid back in school. That's what you were worrying about. You don't have to worry about nothing no more goodbye.

I'm not finished.

Well I am!

Mr. Bunker children just like adults need to deal with death it's part of life. Stephanie need to talk about this. If she doesn't it could have serious consequences.

I know my job and I'm doing it.

You just do your job, case closed.

You know something I think that councilor is right. Stephanie can't handle thing the way you can. So I think you should do whatever the councilor told you to do.

That's what I say.

But she said I ought to let Stephanie help me go through all of Edith's stuff. You know Pack and maybe let her keep something that belonged to her.

Well that's a good idea!

I kept my Aunt Josie's amides rosary beads.

It over a month it's time.

Yah well I guess its got to be done.

Well who else is going to do it?

Veronica!

What! No! No no! no! I know what you think. You want me to go over to your place tomorrow and help pack up all Edith's clothes and stuff.

You wouldn't have to do it alone you know. I could get our neighbor Polly Swanson to come in and help you.

Oh Archie! Archie!

Alright alright forget it forget it.

I'll do it I'll do it. I just got to do this first.

No wait a Minute wait a Minute where-where are you going?

I'm going inside to cheer her up.

In the ladies toilet?

One other thing the councilor told me that it would be good if Stephanie had a hart to hart talk about how she feels about all of this.

Well that's an excellent idea.

Good come over tonight.

I can't do it you have to do it.

Oh no no the councilor said I am the very last Pearson that should try to do that. She said I should get a close family friend. She made a particular point of that.

That doesn't sound right to me.

What do you mean. It don't sound right.

It doesn't sound right.

I'm trying-----

Hay fellows this problems getting to be well known out here.

You just told me to do everything the councilor told me well I'm doing that and let me tell you something she was a very pretty young women. Jewish I think.

what does that got to do with anything?

Do you want to be a close family friend? Or don't you?

Well how about the Ice Cream?

Oh no Arch. No more for me I'm full up ah.

No ice cream well.

Boy that dinner. That was good.

Oh well there's nothing to it all you need is the time the talent and the Cornel's phone number.

Can I help?

well that chicken was good wasn't it.

Fine Goodnight.

The coleslaw was taste wasn't it.

It was creamy.

Wait wait wait wait where are you going?

To my room.

You know Steph. You and I haven't had a good talk for a long time. How about a little talk right now.

What do you want to talk about?

Well lets talk about you ha. How have you been feeling lately.

OK.

OK ha. Come here sit down.

You know you can tell me if you haven't been feeling good lately. You Know that. Here you go.

I heard that you missed school for a couple of days there.

You know Steph a couple of years ago when my father died I remember not wanting to talk to anybody about it and one day I decided to talk about it. I want to tell you I felt so much better.

I want to talk to him about my Aunt Edith, but he won't let me.

He won't.

No. Every time I mention her he changes the subject or gets mad. And he's been acting so weird.

Oh how do you mean?

He won't answer the phone. He won't open all the cards we been getting and he's sleeping on the couch now.

Every night?

Aaha. Ever since Aunt Edith died.

Can I go now?

Umhu yah yah-yah.

Thanks.

Goodnight.

Oh gees.

What happened?

You crushed my ear lob hum.

Well I didn't think you were eavesdropping.

I wasn't eavesdropping.

Oh what were you doing?

I was trying to eavesdrop. Gees were talking too low. So?

Well we had a very nice little talk. How are you getting along.

What do you mean me? I'm fine fine.

How come your sleeping on the couch?

You wasn't supposed to be talking to her about me.

But we did.

Well gee Didn't you ever fall asleep in front of the TV some night ha?

You know I mean every once in a while.

Yah every once in a while.

Yah sure it happens. I'll tell you something else you be surprised the interesting stuff you pick up on them late TV talk shows. Hay they're better the National Enquirer.

Arch will you level with me? Now you been sleeping on that couch ever night now come on.

Alright I'll level with you. I could never get a decent nights rest of that bed up there.

Now that's the truth. You know Edith always liked that bed,

I'll tell you something you won't believe.

I don't doubt that.

That old sofa there is way more comfortable.

Why didn't you sign the death claim?

Hay listen Murray you know I think we talked enough we did yah. I want to thank you very much for coming over and helping me with the kid, but from now on you know. Stay out of my business!

OK alright.

Just one more thing though.

Tomorrow.

Now. I came over here to find out about Stephanie's problem. I did the problem is you.

Bah.

You can come in.

Oh that's nice your doing your homework ah.

Oahu. I'm doing a report do you know anything about Zimbabwe?

Zimbabwe aaah that's a forward for the Knicks. Big tall colored guy.

Never mind.

Did you have a nice talk with Murray?

Oaha do you want to talk?

Well I don't want to bother you well your doing your homework there you know. That's the important thing you keep it that and I'll holler out good night through the door a little latter.

Well this looks like the last of it.

You know I must have seen Edith wear this dress one hundred times. I can just picture her in it running like crazy to the door.

Or running up the stairs.

Or running to the kitchen. You know your Aunt Edith was into jogging long before anybody else.

You know it feels real strange going through her things. It's like she's still here.

Yah it does feel funny. I almost expect to see her come walking right in the door.

Ah theirs nothing left of her things in the dresser.

This is it for the closet. Stephie did you find something you want to keep?

I'm going to keep this pin.

Aunt Edith said she was going to give it to me for my sixteenth birthday. So I'm going to keep it and not wear it until then. It will be like she's still here to give it to me.

That's very sweat Steph. Alright where does all this stuff go? Does it go over to Jersey or where?

Oh no Stephanie and I talked about it and we decided that Edith would want it to go to the Sunshine Home.

That's where my Aunt Edith worked for the old people who don't have any money.

Lets take the stuff down to the car.

Here let me help you.

No I got it Polly.

I suppose it's wishful thinking that Archie will be back in time to help us.

Oh he may be back just in time to hold the door open for us.

Ah gees look at this door. Barney's dog could get in here and go all over the kitchen.

Hay who left the back door open?

I did I'll go close it.

Never mind I already done that already.

You just in time this here is the last box.

Oh hay I have been back sooner it was like a madhouse at the supermarket you know. 100 old ladies going crazy. It seems they got a new bag boy that looks like Merv Griffin.

that's it.

All accept for this.

Look what I decided to keep.

This pin.

Yah OK that's very nice. Well I want to thank all of yous for helping. You know me I'm no good at packing and all of that.

Your welcome.

Any time Archie. Hay lets get going.

Yah.

Hay I can help you there. I can hold the door open for you.

What did I tell you.

Bye Polly bye Veronica.

So long honey.

Bye.

Thank you.

See you down the bar Veronica.

Yah.

Hay Polly I'll be yelling to you over the back fence.

Ok Archie.

Why don't you go upstairs and hide that.

So you don't lose it.

I won't lose it.

Do what I tell you

Will you please do what I tell you?

Leave it to them to forget something.

What did yous forget oh.

Hello I'm Arlene Schiff from Ultra Lady cosmetics.

Oh well I don't need no cosmetics.

I'm sure you don't. Is Edith at home?

No.

She knew I was coming by today.

Well yah she's gone.

Do you know when she'll be back?

No.

Well I have the cosmetics she ordered last month. I'll just come back tomorrow.

Oh no no no don't do that. Step in step in.

I suppose there something owing on that.

She has a balance of $13.47

Oh well I got a $20 bill.

Let me get you some change.

Oh well I tell you what don't bother with that. You keep the change.

Oh well thank you. Oh listen my numbers there tell her if she has any question she can call me. Thank you.

Yeah yeah don't mention it.

Never could say no to nobody. Never could turn nobody away.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be the first one to go. I always used to kid you about you going first. You know I never meant none of that and that morning when yous was laying there. I was shaking you and yelling at you to go down and fix my breakfast. I didn't know. You had no rite to leave me that way.

Without giving me just one more chance to say I love you.

She was the one that was supposed to stay down here with you you know. Not me. Because I ain't no good at none of this. Oh well

Can we bring flours?

Yeah sure. What kind?

Carnations.

Oh yeah yeah carnations. She was always crazy about carnations.

Come here.

Are you alright now?

I'm alright.

Should I start cooking dinner?

Yeah you can do that. But first you better go to the linen chest out there and get some stuff for the bed here. Gees who the hell striped this bed?

Aunt Mabel from Hackensack.

Oowd Mabel from Hackensack. How did she think I was ever going to use my bed without no sheets and blanket and pillow cases here?

God them people from Jersey is brutes.